Just Thoughts and Stuff: The Start of Something New
January 3, 2021
To be honest I don’t really know what to say or where to begin… does it ever feel like you’re life is just moving and continuing and you don’t even know what’s happening? Welcome to my life. My mind feels like there’s really nothing going on. I’m not actually thinking. Instead I’m just surviving, and waiting until it’s socially acceptable again to just scroll through Instagram, or maybe, just maybe, I’ll re-download TikTok again; would it really be that much different than watching Friends… for the 10th time. You’d think I’d know by now that Ross believes him and Rachel were ON A BREAK!.
In all honesty, I want to experience life. I want to audition for a Broadway musical, even though it should be illegal for me to sing in public. I want to travel the world and go and see everything. I want to not care and just live. But that doesn’t seem possible, I end up just wasting my day sitting, confined in my childhood bedroom, watching Netflix or scrolling on my phone. And let me tell you something, I hate it. It is awful. It sucks. But I don’t know what else to do, working out only lasts so long, my social battery is depleted within a few short hours, and who knows what my hobby is. I just want to live, but it feels like my desire to live and experience things is halting my ability to do so. The world feels so big, and I just want a place in it. I want to care about things, I want to not worry about every little thing, but am I even doing that because it sure feels like there’s nothing really happening in my mind…
Anyway I’m rambling…
I guess I’m going to start writing things down here so I’m forced to do something with my days. AND I won’t forget it, because it’s written down, for the internet (who am I kidding, myself) to enjoy and remember.
So let’s get started with today.
Yes, I re-downloaded TikTok, after a solid 2 months away I am back, and it’s a real time waster just as I remember it. But, it’s also helpful, I found out about this place. I saw lot’s of videos about the stock market…maybe I’ll look into that, but of course, you need money for that, which as a 20 year old college student I don’t have.
Next, I halfway worked out. I don’t know why I don’t really dive into this activity more than I do, I love the feeling of being sore, and riding that high from all of those feel good chemicals it releases. I guess because of gymnastics and track growing up, and still having track feeling like a burden, it just feels like a chore. And I don’t want it to feel that way, because I really love working out… more on that later.
My last highlight of the day I suppose was making dinner. I’m not one to go a buy ingredients of a recipe I find, but today I did just that. What did I make? Well I made Gigi Hadid’s Pasta, or more probable, Gigi Hadid’s Personal Chef’s Pasta recipe. It was good, not great. But I enjoyed making it, I will definitely start cooking more often, following recipes of course, because I can’t just whip up something on my own.
I’m going to start doing more, so I feel better, and not like I’m wasting my life. But, to also have more stuff to write about.
Something I will do is write down one new thing I’ve done today, to make things spicy…
One new thing I’ve done today: started writing down my thoughts and cooked from a recipe!
At the end of each day I will be writing things down for the next day, to manifest it if you will, or just have it in writing so I can’t go against it.
Tomorrow I will…
Wake up at 9am (like actually) make my bed, drink two 40 oz bottles of water, continue my new years resolution of stretching, I will be confident in myself because I am a bad bleep, and I will meditate for one whole hour as my something new.
PS, enjoy my random usage of commas throughout my sentences, as they appear for no apparent reason. :)
You are EPIC, I aspire to be you.
LOVE, Lo
